Things are... interesting at the moment , i'm feeing like crap , i dont sleep , i dont eat, i barely socialise , i'm not drawing, im always sad and always angry , i dont enjoy conversation with most of my family , i dont do anything .

its shit , i cant bring myself to leave my room lately , i barely even manage to get up for breakfast , i dont have any urge to read , or draw.

i spend most of my time on my own , and what scares me is that im begining to like it.

i've come to the point where i just dont have anything of interest to say , i dont to do anything.

im not even depressed im just... nuteral on everything , i cant even be bothered to argue with anyone.

i feel like .... nothing.

i cant explain it , i dont feel like myself.

harry potter comes out tomorrow , im going with my mother and best friend. i;m not enthused at all.

i'm drawing for everyone else apart from myself ,i was balling my eyes out tonight and i tried to draw soemthing of meaning and came up with fucking pop art crap. nothing emotional at all. just another fucking t-shirt design.

music is no interest to me at the moment , which is a scary concept , i'm bored with every band i find.

tv is boring... texting is boring , theres just nothing.

I did however go to the movies last friday with my friend, which was nice, though i dont know whats going on there , he held my hand throughout the whole thing , which i thought was really sweet =]
but i dont know , i dont know what i want , i dont know what to do.

im sick of being poor, im sick of not having a job and im sick of there being no fucking work.

its around this time of year i need to go and get some etched into my skin or a needle shoved through my face.

i turn 19 in 11 days , and i feel this way around every birthday since i was about 7 , there is no enthusism about turning older , i always have a realatively crap day , and barely anyone actually remembers. Im lucky to get a call from my brother the day after it, as for my father , fuck knows whats going on there.


I just feel like someone is pulling all my emotions up from the pit of my stomach and scrambling it all up so i dont know what im feelings.

i've become very self distructive though i no longer smoke , drinking seems to be the poison of choice lately.
ended up with alcohol poisoning about a week back , somehow i managed a fucking good night though.

hahah dont you just love to hear me whine about nothing ?
there are people out there with real problems and im just shitting on.

i dont knwo . fuck knows , i have no ambition.


- ReB